top of page

A decade of transformation

Updated: Mar 14, 2023

I've never seen any life transformation that didn't start when the person in question finally got sick of their own bullshit.

-Elizabeth Gilbert

At some point, most of us go through a phenomenon known as the Dark Night of the Soul.

Although we try to run from it, it is still there. Although we try to cover it up and smother it, it is still there. Although we try to put on a happy, smiley face and pretend it is away, it’s still there.

Those who experience the Dark Night feel completely lost, hopeless, and consumed with melancholy.

the Dark Night is primarily a spiritual and existential form of crisis that can’t be treated or cured with therapy or psychiatry. Therefore, those of us going through the Dark Night can often feel an increasing sense of hopelessness, unease, and despair as we discover that no one can save us but ourselves. Inevitably, this makes us feel even more alone, frustrated, and confused about the world and about ourselves.

A true Dark Night of the Soul leaves a long-lasting impact on you – it changes you completely. When you exit a Dark Night, you will discover that something is always taken away from you (for the better), such as your beliefs, your perceptions, your former meaning in life, or even in rare cases, your ego.

My Dark Night of the Soul started in 2012, I was 26 living in Mexico City with whom I thought was the love of my life. I had built my entire life around that relationship, we had planned to formalize our relationship, get married start a family, and do business together.

It meant so much to me to be chosen as "The one" by this brilliant and successful self-made man at a time of my life when I didn´t feel worthy but rather lonely, and a failure in my own career as a lawyer because it had been such an arduous accomplishment that was leading me nowhere. He "rescued" me from the self-destructive life I was leading due to my dissatisfaction with how things were. It seemed to be a promised land in the middle of darkness. I admired him deeply and was eager to become the perfect housewife for him.

In the beginning, I was blown away by his desire and effort to be a positive influence in my life: He showered me with love, attention, and affection. He would mentor me about life, self-development, and the success books and pieces of training that shaped my entrepreneurial spirit. He was always open to trying new things with me, he seemed to agree with all of my initiatives such as attending workshops and spiritual retreats.

We had an equal relationship and our connection was strong. We were so in love that we soon decided to live together with the intention in mind to simulate a real marriage to see if it was meant to be. If that were the case, we would eventually make it official. He was already well-established and ready to start a family.

Living by his side, now as wife-husband, the relationship dynamic and things, in general, changed a lot. It was as if, after securing me in the relationship, everything we had projected together was forgotten.

He controlled everything about my life and I was isolated. I had quit everything to start working on our projects only to find him becoming less interested in pursuing them and ended up just being a trophy "wife" with no purpose. I lost trust in him and he recognized that I was no longer interested in starting a family with him.

He was difficult to live with, to say the least, and even his parents had a hard time dealing with his bad temper as he could be very hostile even to them. He had other dark secrets that he only revealed when I was too attached and ready to live my life by his side.

He became cold and distant. My sense of self-esteem was getting worse with his lack of appreciation and criticism every day.

But why did I choose to stay you may ask. I thought I was in love and I made a great effort to cope with things and try to be patient with him. I fooled myself into believing that it was the price I had to pay to be happy by his side. "I have a thick skin", I would tell myself, "an extraordinary man needs a strong woman by his side" and all kinds of nonsense to try to convince myself that this was not a mistake.

Eventually, this even more destructive lifestyle got the best of me and soon I had a severe mental breakdown and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My life would never be the same.

At first, I didn't feel anything, just this numbness and lethargy that took me months to get out of. He stayed by my side out of perhaps feeling guilty and just enough time to see if I would survive this, but soon he found someone else who would take my place for his plans of starting a family. He broke me and now it was time to get rid of me.

He asked for "time out" but I knew it was over and I could sense the darkness invading my Soul.

When the relationship fell apart, I fell apart. It was as if life had betrayed me. I had failed in my career, was destroyed and rejected by the love of my life, struggling with mental health I felt so worthless and in despair.

What is the Point of Living?

Before any true growth or healing can occur, there must be a process of destruction and complete annihilation of everything you thought would bring you happiness.

A blessing in disguise …

In reality, it is absolutely terrifying to have the ground beneath your feet ripped out from beneath you, and this is precisely what we experience during the Dark Night of the Soul.

I was feeling suicidal, I couldn´t see my life continuing, and at the same time, I lacked the energy to do anything about it. In my desperation, I prayed for a new opportunity.

I was lucky. My prayers were answered with a job position in Corporate America. I was still broken inside but I promised that I wouldn´t waste this second chance that God was granting me.

2013 a fresh start

The positive impact that my ex did have on me stayed with me. The success culture was engrained in my mindset and my approach to getting ahead in the corporate world was entrepreneurial.

I was fierce about my intention of being successful. That would be my revenge. I continued listening to audiobooks, reading a lot, doing my self-development work, and healing. The caterpillar´s old body started dying and a new body and identity were beginning to form inside the cocoon.

I was also obsessed with living an extraordinary quality of life, I hated the label and associations of my diagnosis and was determined that I would free myself of it and I would do whatever it would take to make that happen. But to be functional I distanced myself from my own feelings and became cold and ruthless in the process.


The above serves as context to illustrate what my life was like when I first took the 16 personalities test and the report showed that my profile was that of a Commander.

I had already decided I wanted to become a life coach, and I was finding out what my strengths and weaknesses were as part of my own growth process.

Commanders are born leaders. People with this personality type possess the gift of charisma and personal confidence, and they project their authority by bringing everyone together in pursuit of a common goal. But unlike their sentimental counterparts, Commanders are characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality; they use their energy, determination, and intelligence to achieve whatever goal they have set for themselves. Perhaps best of all, they only make up three percent of the population, so they don't overwhelm the more shy and sensitive personality types that make up most of the rest of the world. But we have many Commanders to thank for many of the companies and institutions that we see every day and that we take for granted have always existed.

Happiness is found in the joy of achieving goals

If there’s anything Commanders love, it’s a good challenge, big or small, and they firmly believe that given enough time and resources, they can achieve any goal. This quality makes people with the Commander personality type brilliant entrepreneurs, and their ability to think strategically and hold a long-term focus while executing each step of their plans with determination and precision makes them powerful business leaders. This determination is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Commanders push their goals through with sheer willpower where others might give up and move on, and their Extraverted (E) nature means they are likely to push everyone else right along with them, achieving spectacular results in the process.

At the negotiating table, be it in a corporate environment or buying a car, Commanders are dominant, relentless, and unforgiving. This isn’t because they are coldhearted or vicious per se – it’s more that Commander personalities genuinely enjoy the challenge, the battle of wits, the repartee that comes from this environment, and if the other side can’t keep up, that’s no reason for Commanders to fold on their own core tenet of ultimate victory.

The underlying thought running through the Commander's mind might be something like "I don’t care if you call me an insensitive b*****d, as long as I remain an efficient b*****d".

If there’s anyone Commanders respect, it’s someone who is able to stand up to them intellectually, who is able to act with a precision and quality equal to their own. Commander personalities have a particular skill in recognizing the talents of others, and this helps in both their team-building efforts (since no one, no matter how brilliant, can do everything alone), and keep Commanders from displaying too much arrogance and condescension. However, they also have a particular skill in calling out others’ failures with a chilling degree of insensitivity, and this is where Commanders really start to run into trouble.

A Worthy Challenge

Emotional expression isn’t the strong suit of any Analyst type, but Commanders’ distance from their emotions is especially public and felt directly by a much broader swath of people. Especially in a professional environment, Commanders will simply crush the sensitivities of those they view as inefficient, incompetent, or lazy. To people with the Commander personality type, emotional displays are displays of weakness, and it’s easy to make enemies with this approach – Commanders will do well to remember that they absolutely depend on having a functioning team, not just to achieve their goals, but for their validation and feedback as well, something Commanders are, curiously, very sensitive to.

A Commander with a second chance

I was determined that I was going to be successful in this company and very soon I was looking to lead the members of my team. This was when I found that there was an offering of training for those who wanted to step up as leaders and I signed up for a workshop called "Coaching to improve performance". I learned about emotional intelligence, goal setting, accountability, and leadership. This was exactly what I needed and what would help me overcome my weaknesses.

I decided to get certified professionally as a life coach and it became my true calling.

Transmuting pain into empathy and compassion.

And it is that the history of humanity is a history of adversities, difficulties, and struggle. Coaching taught me that I was not alone in my suffering and that in actuality, everyone is going through hell in one way or another.

And I had had enough of that. The truth is that there was a lot to heal and a coping mechanism that I developed was to distance myself from my emotions. I was trying to demonstrate that I was somebody, that I was worthy by being successful and obsessed about my goals. It was something I wanted to prove to myself. It then became a priority for me to overcome the weaknesses that came along with my profile, I decided I would heal my own trauma and develop empathy and sensitivity for the unique circumstances of other people. I could not serve anyone if this requirement was not met.

Once I had made a lot of progress, I had the opportunity to face my ex: coaching had completely transformed my life and I was ready to thank him for everything that had happened and the positive influence he had had on my life. I explained to him that at first, the pursuit of success would be my revenge, but over time that didn't matter. He was stunned and frankly not knowing what to say. I felt a great liberation when I recognized that there was no grudge left in my heart, only gratitude, and that at the same time, I could free him from the guilt of having ruined someone's life.

The Commander's weaknesses I had to overcome are as follows:

  • Stubborn and Dominant: Sometimes all this confidence and willpower can go too far, and Commanders are all too capable of digging in their heels, trying to win every single debate and pushing their vision, and theirs alone.

  • Intolerant– “It’s my way or the highway” – People with the Commander personality type are notoriously unsupportive of any idea that distracts from their primary goals, and even more so of ideas based on emotional considerations. Commanders won’t hesitate a second to make that fact clear to those around them.

  • Impatient: – Some people need more time to think than others, an intolerable delay to quick-thinking Commanders. They may misinterpret contemplation as stupidity or disinterest in their haste, a terrible mistake for a leader to make.

  • Arrogant: – Commander personalities respect quick thoughts and firm convictions, their own qualities, and look down on those who don’t match up. This relationship is a challenge for most other personality types who are perhaps not timid in their own right, but will seem so beside overbearing Commanders.

  • Poor Handling of Emotions: – All this bluster, alongside the assumed supremacy of rationalism, makes Commanders distant from their own emotional expression and sometimes downright scornful of others. People with this personality type often trample others’ feelings, inadvertently hurting their partners and friends, especially in emotionally charged situations.

  • Cold and Ruthless: – Their obsession with efficiency and unwavering belief in the merits of rationalism, especially professionally, makes Commanders incredibly insensitive in pursuing their goals, dismissing personal circumstances, sensitivities, and preferences as irrational and irrelevant.

It wasn´t easy, to say the least, to accept my weaknesses and make changes but it has been a very rewarding experience. I recognize today that I was not a victim, that my life experiences actually shaped me, gave me purpose, and aligned me with what truly matters and I am extremely grateful to have the opportunity to use my strength, my knowledge, and my experience to make my difference in other people´s lives.

Today I feel whole and worthy not because of my accomplishments, but because of my shared humanity and because I am a child of Divine Creation. I now understand that The Dark Night of the Soul was the Dark Night of the Ego, the false self in me that needed to die for my True Nature to be brought out from the inside.

10 years later my profile changed

Protagonists (ENFJs) feel called to serve a greater purpose in life. Thoughtful and idealistic, these personality types strive to have a positive impact on other people and the world around them. They rarely shy away from an opportunity to do the right thing, even when doing so is far from easy.

Protagonists are born leaders, which explains why these personalities can be found among many notable politicians, coaches, and teachers. Their passion and charisma allow them to inspire others not just in their careers but in every arena of their lives, including their relationships. Few things bring Protagonists a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment than guiding friends and loved ones to grow into their best selves.

When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful. MALALA YOUSAFZAI

Speaking Up for What’s Right

Protagonists tend to be vocal about their values, including authenticity and altruism. When something strikes them as unjust or wrong, they speak up. But they rarely come across as brash or pushy, as their sensitivity and insight guide them to speak in ways that resonate with others.

These personality types have an uncanny ability to pick up on people’s underlying motivations and beliefs. At times, they may not even understand how they come to grasp another person’s mind and heart so quickly. These flashes of insight can make Protagonists incredibly persuasive and inspiring communicators.

Changing people’s minds is no easy task – but if anyone can do it, it’s Protagonists.

The protagonists’ secret weapon is their purity of intent. Generally speaking, they are motivated by a sincere wish to do the right thing rather than a desire to manipulate or have power over other people. Even when they disagree with someone, Protagonists search for common ground. The result is that people with this personality type can communicate with eloquence and sensitivity that are nearly impossible to ignore – particularly when they speak about matters that are close to their hearts.

Change takes time and effort.

We rarely chose to change from our own willpower. My hope is that my story inspires you to take initiative before life forces change upon you because although I believe that my process was perfect, it was also very painful and it doesn´t have to be if you chose to be a better version of yourself on your own. You can take the 16 personalities test and find out what your weaknesses are and choose to overcome them and turn them into strengths. I was able to build my dream job in that journey. You will find it to be worth it and extremely fulfilling.

1. Discover your personality.

Take the test and find out what your profile has to say about you.

2. Leave us your comments on what you discovered and how accurate your report was for you in the comment box below.

3. Turn weaknesses into strengths.

Be patient with your own process, I honor you for reading all the way to the end and thank you for being part of my community, you are not alone in your journey.

17 views0 comments
bottom of page